CLOWN COMBO

This is how Alan described the Clown Combo from the Pick-Me-Up Café:

DUSTY RAISIN

HAMPER SESSION

A trip inside the hamper spacestation:

JUNKCAKES

There has been a lot of baking lately.

Cupcakes for Andy Junk (Martha Stewart recipe):

AVOCADO CAKE!

Creepy and filled with guacamole.

TUESDAY NIGHT RAIN

10:04 PM me: rain city

 Evan: it's like a rain volcano

10:06 PM me: it's as though cats and dogs were falling from the sky, in the form of water

10:07 PM Evan: it's like someone warmed up a blizzard

10:09 PM me: it's as though someone has got the world's largest super soaker and they just don't care where they're shooting it

10:10 PM Evan: it's like someone instead of saying it decided to spray it

10:13 PM me: it's as though lake michigan bought a groupon for skydive chicago and is using it right now

10:17 PM Evan: it's like someone took a whole bag of gushers and put them in their mouth at once (on a cloud)

10:19 PM me: it's as though a bunch of clouds just competed in a 10k run for charity, and now they're all sweaty and sweating on us

10:22 PM Evan: it's like a fish family is moving across country but the movers drove to the wrong house

10:23 PM me: it's as though they built a second shedd aquarium up there and have yet to work out all the kinks

10:24 PM Evan: it's as if the lamestream media told sarah palin not to dump water over everybody and she's going rogue

10:26 PM me: it's as though today is alanis morissette's wedding day

10:28 PM Evan: it's as if it's an alternate universe where shannon hoon never existed and never wrote his hit song

10:30 PM me: it's as though the umbrella industry is in collusion with the clouds in order to drive up sales

10:32 PM Evan: it's as if all the fat kids in public pools did simultaneous belly flops

10:33 PM me: it's as though the clouds are jr. high school kids who have just taught each other how to gleek

10:37 PM Evan: sorry to change the subject

  but ha

10:38 PM ____ is suggesting for my story tomorrow, i read a version of the synopsis i sent of the whole year

 me: it's okay, i was running dry on water jokes

 Evan: ooooo good one

LAST SUMMER

FISH IN THE PERCOLATOR

?????

CONGA LINE CONFIRMATION CONTRACT

A number of years back, longtime friend/current roommate Alan told me he was going to be attending a wedding. The week before it occurred we were discussing how great we thought conga lines were and after a little bit of goading on my part, he promised me that he would try to start one up at the wedding.

The wedding came and went. I saw him afterwards and I asked him about the conga line- did it happen? How was it? Did it snake around the entire room? He said it was a great and successful conga line. Best one ever. Everybody was in it. I quizzed him a bit more and he nonchalantly answered all my questions. To quell my doubts I made him sign a contract. Without any hesitation he quadruple-signed it:

Flash forward several years later: The subject of conga lines randomly came up again in conversation one day and I reminded him of the one he started at the wedding.

"What conga line at what wedding?"

"The one I made you sign that contract for in my green notebook."

I dug out my notebook and showed him the contract. Alan thought about it for a moment,

"Oh, that never happened. There was never any conga line."

--

To be fair, around this same time that he lied about the wedding conga line to me, Alan did in fact attend a columbia film student party in the Lincoln Park neighborhood where he actually DID participate in (and helped create) a wild and frenzied conga line that involved everyone at the party snaking through room after room of the apartment as all good conga lines should do. Alan is a good guy, even if he lies about a conga line now and then.