TREASURE CRAFT

PHATCACHE / DOLLAR BILL$

9:49 AM dbrouwer: its all in Phatcache

  my new currency

9:50 AM for pimps and technopervs10:02 AM me: how does phatcache compare to the euro dollar?
dbrouwer: it eats it for breakfast10:09 AM me: can phatcache be used on the blackmarket to pay for illegal surgeries?10:10 AM dbrouwer: no, but you can use it at Starbucks like a gift card.10:11 AM (Starbucks gift cards are used all the time for illegal surgeries, so yes now that I think about it)10:20 AMme: does my phatcache ever expire?10:21 AMdbrouwer: well, its printed on beef. do you have a mini-refrigerator wallet?
(nice thin cuts of veal)10:39 AMme: so i've got perishables in my wallet?okay, goodand one final questionare there any pictures of presidents or important people printed on the phatcache?10:41 AM         like kirk douglas?

or lindsay lohan10:42 AM dbrouwer: no, they each have a farside comic printed on them
or a band logo10:43 AMi'm trying to license all the NBA teams too
hopefully by Q3
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11:04 AM dbrouwer: what if they changed the $10 bill so it had a Sarlac pit on it? (Rather Than Hamilton)

11:05 AM me: and the $20 gets an update so it has a picture of the front of a jamba juice

11:06 AM dbrouwer: $1 bills would just have a little mirror on them (making it both harder and easier to use them for blow at the same time)

11:07 AM me: and the $50 would have the cast of Friends on it

  but it would be ultra rare

11:08 AM so it would actually be worth $100

11:09 AM dbrouwer: the $100 bill would be blacklisted because it has a hammer and sickle on it

  and child porn

11:10 AM me: then there is the mythical $122 bill, that no one is sure if it exists or not

11:11 AM but people have been searching for it

 dbrouwer: but it has a twitter feed

  so it has to be real

THE ONLY THREE FOODS / USEFULNESS

5:21 AM 

 me: strugglecrisp

5:24 AM dbrouwer: thats a cereal from the 1930's, and you get it free when you go on unemployment in some former confederate states

5:25 AM me: i like that idea

 dbrouwer: they still have a silo full of it in Georgia

5:26 AM me: its non-perishable, so its not that big a deal

  someone will eat it eventually

  thats what georgia keeps telling itself

5:27 AM dbrouwer: Prospertarts

 me: thats like the opposite of strugglecrisp

5:28 AM dbrouwer: and then a product for working class people, just called "endsmeat"

 me: amazing

 dbrouwer: would be in betwix

5:29 AM if you work two jobs, you can get off strugglecrisp, and get endsmeat

5:30 AM and some day, you may just get prospertarts

 me: prospertarts are much coveted

  its like the rolls royce of foods

5:31 AM dbrouwer: immigrants hoard all their prospertarts for their children, so they never have to taste the stale strugglecrisp

5:32 AM but real americans use credit cards to buy prospertarts, when they should just stick to endsmeat

  i want this to be a book now

5:33 AM 

 dbrouwer: about the american class system for children

 me: its a compelling scenariodbrouwer: "the only three foods"

  abridged

5:34 AM dbrouwer: or it could be interactive cd-rom

  with free tribe called quest digital downloads

5:35 AM me: incrediblethe government is always trying to placate the poor people by offering them free tribe called quest download coupons in their boxes of strugglecrisp

  and they keep falling for it

  it works like a charmme: the cereal box will have this iconic depression photo on it http://www.spartacus.schoolnet.co.uk/USAPlange.jpg me: but in cartoondorothea lange photo5:56 AMdbrouwer: exactly! me: but big goofy fonton top of that imageand like, mazes and fun stuff on the back5:57 AMthen there will be an adult version of struggle crisp, chock full of fiber6:13 AMallrightgood talk on socio-economically based foodsim outta here6:14 AMdbrouwer: see ya in the rain forest nightmares  ----------------
5:38 AM dbrouwer: do people use instant messaging for anything other than broken idea building?

  its 95% of my use

 me: aside from us? yes

  but for us, no

  thats our only use

 

STRIPPERS RIDE FREE

3:23 PM me: amazing

3:24 PM best merchant name ever

  from the redemption days

  a strip club in texas

  called

  "brass ovaries"

 dbrouwer: ha

3:25 PM me: super gross

3:28 PM dbrouwer: what if CTA buses had strippers on them? Like, grinding all over the stainless steel poles?

  just for tips

  and there would be a "one at a time rule"

3:29 PM so multiple strippers could take turns

  and not get too tired stripping up and down Lawrence avenue all day.

3:30 PM and the bus driver would sell $.89 sausages from a Styrofoam cooler.

 me: that's right

3:35 PM dbrouwer: "strippers ride free"

  rather than old people

 me: ha

  amazing!

  but they still have to pay 25 cents for transfers

BAKING BAD

Montrose cookie lab up and running again:

My hardware/ingredients are finally back...

 ...after some weeks of remote baking in the North Center lab with baking partner Browner (alias R. Slone)

These here are chocolate coffee brainmelt flavored ("Heisenberg cookies"). My product is 99.1% pure— you could sell these at twice the normal street value.

Recipes to be posted soon.

SOUL SISTER

?????

KITCHEN SPOCK

THINGS TO DO AT CRACKER BARREL

You can write stories about pus:

GINNY

SIAMESE

CROP CIRCLES CEREAL

12:08 AM dbrouwer: i want to make a corn based cereal called "crop circles"

12:09 AM with spaceship marshmallows

THE PAGEANT

SOAK YOUR CROOK

 (Those three on the bottom are terrorists.)

EDDIE'S QUESTIONS

SATCHEL GO-GO DANCERS

A long lost saturday morning cartoon from the 1980's, airing between The Snorks and The Smurfs (sharing the same hideous color scheme that was so popular back then).

So eat a bowl of cereal while you look at this.

THE DUSTMOBILE

JUST JOG (PART TWO)

BURNING ASS NINJA

(dedicated to Jeremy Johnson)

BECKY THE SKATEBOARD GIRL

One day I noticed something on my old skateboard: