PHATCACHE / DOLLAR BILL$

9:49 AM dbrouwer: its all in Phatcache

  my new currency

9:50 AM for pimps and technopervs10:02 AM me: how does phatcache compare to the euro dollar?
dbrouwer: it eats it for breakfast10:09 AM me: can phatcache be used on the blackmarket to pay for illegal surgeries?10:10 AM dbrouwer: no, but you can use it at Starbucks like a gift card.10:11 AM (Starbucks gift cards are used all the time for illegal surgeries, so yes now that I think about it)10:20 AMme: does my phatcache ever expire?10:21 AMdbrouwer: well, its printed on beef. do you have a mini-refrigerator wallet?
(nice thin cuts of veal)10:39 AMme: so i've got perishables in my wallet?okay, goodand one final questionare there any pictures of presidents or important people printed on the phatcache?10:41 AM         like kirk douglas?

or lindsay lohan10:42 AM dbrouwer: no, they each have a farside comic printed on them
or a band logo10:43 AMi'm trying to license all the NBA teams too
hopefully by Q3
--------------------

11:04 AM dbrouwer: what if they changed the $10 bill so it had a Sarlac pit on it? (Rather Than Hamilton)

11:05 AM me: and the $20 gets an update so it has a picture of the front of a jamba juice

11:06 AM dbrouwer: $1 bills would just have a little mirror on them (making it both harder and easier to use them for blow at the same time)

11:07 AM me: and the $50 would have the cast of Friends on it

  but it would be ultra rare

11:08 AM so it would actually be worth $100

11:09 AM dbrouwer: the $100 bill would be blacklisted because it has a hammer and sickle on it

  and child porn

11:10 AM me: then there is the mythical $122 bill, that no one is sure if it exists or not

11:11 AM but people have been searching for it

 dbrouwer: but it has a twitter feed

  so it has to be real

THE ONLY THREE FOODS / USEFULNESS

5:21 AM 

 me: strugglecrisp

5:24 AM dbrouwer: thats a cereal from the 1930's, and you get it free when you go on unemployment in some former confederate states

5:25 AM me: i like that idea

 dbrouwer: they still have a silo full of it in Georgia

5:26 AM me: its non-perishable, so its not that big a deal

  someone will eat it eventually

  thats what georgia keeps telling itself

5:27 AM dbrouwer: Prospertarts

 me: thats like the opposite of strugglecrisp

5:28 AM dbrouwer: and then a product for working class people, just called "endsmeat"

 me: amazing

 dbrouwer: would be in betwix

5:29 AM if you work two jobs, you can get off strugglecrisp, and get endsmeat

5:30 AM and some day, you may just get prospertarts

 me: prospertarts are much coveted

  its like the rolls royce of foods

5:31 AM dbrouwer: immigrants hoard all their prospertarts for their children, so they never have to taste the stale strugglecrisp

5:32 AM but real americans use credit cards to buy prospertarts, when they should just stick to endsmeat

  i want this to be a book now

5:33 AM 

 dbrouwer: about the american class system for children

 me: its a compelling scenariodbrouwer: "the only three foods"

  abridged

5:34 AM dbrouwer: or it could be interactive cd-rom

  with free tribe called quest digital downloads

5:35 AM me: incrediblethe government is always trying to placate the poor people by offering them free tribe called quest download coupons in their boxes of strugglecrisp

  and they keep falling for it

  it works like a charmme: the cereal box will have this iconic depression photo on it http://www.spartacus.schoolnet.co.uk/USAPlange.jpg me: but in cartoondorothea lange photo5:56 AMdbrouwer: exactly! me: but big goofy fonton top of that imageand like, mazes and fun stuff on the back5:57 AMthen there will be an adult version of struggle crisp, chock full of fiber6:13 AMallrightgood talk on socio-economically based foodsim outta here6:14 AMdbrouwer: see ya in the rain forest nightmares  ----------------
5:38 AM dbrouwer: do people use instant messaging for anything other than broken idea building?

  its 95% of my use

 me: aside from us? yes

  but for us, no

  thats our only use

 

STRIPPERS RIDE FREE

3:23 PM me: amazing

3:24 PM best merchant name ever

  from the redemption days

  a strip club in texas

  called

  "brass ovaries"

 dbrouwer: ha

3:25 PM me: super gross

3:28 PM dbrouwer: what if CTA buses had strippers on them? Like, grinding all over the stainless steel poles?

  just for tips

  and there would be a "one at a time rule"

3:29 PM so multiple strippers could take turns

  and not get too tired stripping up and down Lawrence avenue all day.

3:30 PM and the bus driver would sell $.89 sausages from a Styrofoam cooler.

 me: that's right

3:35 PM dbrouwer: "strippers ride free"

  rather than old people

 me: ha

  amazing!

  but they still have to pay 25 cents for transfers

SPRINKLE CHAT / FAIRY BREAD

12:34 PMi like the idea of a dude who is famous on tv for having a cooking show

  like emeril or rachael ray

12:35 PM and his little gimmick, right near the end of each recipe, is to say "throw a few sprinkles on top and you're all set!"

  he puts sprinkles on everything

  but only a dash of sprinkles

 Evan: or he has a catchphrase like

  "sprinkle me this"

12:36 PM me: he addresses his audience as "my fellow sprinklers"

  hey there sprinklers and sprinklettes!

 Evan: when he's done, he says "sprinkled sprankled sprunkled"

 me: on this episode we will be making sprinkle salad!

12:37 PM his name is "chef ronny sprinkles"

12:38 PM hes got a sprinkle cannon that he shoots into the audience

  makes a huge mess

  the guys who clean the studio after the show really resent him

12:42 PM Evan: he also travels around the world

  taking in local sprinkles

12:43 PM and also cooks "fusion" cuisine

  mixing american with asian sprinkles

    From here we began investigating actual recipes that require sprinkles which soon led to the discovery of "Fairy Bread"— a treat from down under. It's what gives the Aussies their crazy accent. 

CROP CIRCLES CEREAL

12:08 AM dbrouwer: i want to make a corn based cereal called "crop circles"

12:09 AM with spaceship marshmallows

BATTERING RAMS THESE DAYS

2:33 PM me: animation is too hard, maybe i should just switch my major to advanced weaponrylike trebuchets and complicated catapult systemsi feel like i have a knack for that kind of stuff2:34 PM Evan: it's getting harder and harder to find a decent battering ram these days2:35 PM me: i know, all the craftsmanship is gone for these cheap substitutes they make nowadaysits a shameyou look at the battering rams from 100 years ago and you're just floored at the beauty and functionality2:36 PM Evan: yeah, they've got the kids using aluminum battering rams these days2:37 PM me: and then you wonder why they're breaking everytime you bust open a door or a gate. they build them like that on purpose, so you have to keep buying more2:39 PM Evan: it ought to be regulatedme: it really ought to beits such a racketbut they're the ones really running the government anyways2:40 PM so its a catch 22Evan: yeah the battering ram lobby is super strong in washingtoneveryone's afraid to piss them off2:41 PM me: yeah well thats because they've all got mob connectionsits the yakuza is what it is2:42 PM its a conspiracy, but the second i say that people start to call me "x-files kid" and my credibility is gone

LAST NIGHT AT WEEGEE'S

The Beatles as Ninja Turtles:

Paul = Leonardo
John = Raphael
George = Donatello
Ringo = Michelangelo

Brian Epstein = Master Splinter
Yoko = April O'Neil (sorta)

Drugs = Pizza

But who's Shredder?

CLASSIC AIM CHATS

An old conversation from several years back with Evan (RL Steinbeck) in its entirety, there is nothing preceding "boomer esiason". I suppose that is a type of greeting.

heavy boxes (12:18:30 AM): boomer esiason.
RL Steinbeck (12:18:52 AM): mother goose and grimm
heavy boxes (12:19:13 AM): kirby pucket
RL Steinbeck (12:19:47 AM): mavis beacon
heavy boxes (12:20:24 AM): foghorn leghorn
RL Steinbeck (12:21:18 AM): maniac mcgee
heavy boxes (12:21:33 AM): tommyknockers
RL Steinbeck (12:22:29 AM): robert plant
heavy boxes (12:22:39 AM): judge judy
RL Steinbeck (12:22:50 AM): the big bopper
heavy boxes (12:22:55 AM): dennis leary
RL Steinbeck (12:23:24 AM): desmond tutu
heavy boxes (12:24:11 AM): boutros boutros ghali
RL Steinbeck (12:25:22 AM): kato kaelin
heavy boxes (12:25:37 AM): trajan
RL Steinbeck (12:26:32 AM): julia louis dreyfuss
heavy boxes (12:31:51 AM): niels bohr
RL Steinbeck (12:32:29 AM): marie curie
heavy boxes (12:32:57 AM): benvolio
RL Steinbeck (12:33:55 AM): sergeant slaughte
RL Steinbeck (12:33:56 AM): r
heavy boxes (12:34:07 AM): judy dench
RL Steinbeck (12:34:18 AM): candide
heavy boxes (12:34:42 AM): gustave flaubert
RL Steinbeck (12:36:41 AM): ruff mcgruff
heavy boxes (12:36:59 AM): tintoretto
RL Steinbeck (12:38:17 AM): dave berry
heavy boxes (12:38:45 AM): john rocker
RL Steinbeck (12:39:21 AM): cuba gooding Sr.
heavy boxes (12:39:57 AM): calvin coolidge
RL Steinbeck (12:40:24 AM): engelbert humperdinck
heavy boxes (12:40:34 AM): matthew lesko
RL Steinbeck (12:40:58 AM): doctor jekyll
heavy boxes (12:41:26 AM): udo kier
RL Steinbeck (12:42:06 AM): mick ronson
heavy boxes (12:42:27 AM): chupacabra
RL Steinbeck (12:42:46 AM): erroll flynn
heavy boxes (12:43:14 AM): myrna loy
RL Steinbeck (12:43:26 AM): eddie & jobo
heavy boxes (12:43:57 AM): charo
RL Steinbeck (12:45:54 AM): madame tussaud
heavy boxes (12:47:15 AM): buddy glass
RL Steinbeck (12:48:05 AM): colonel mustard
heavy boxes (12:49:10 AM): dominique dawes
RL Steinbeck (12:49:45 AM): shawn kemp
heavy boxes (12:50:11 AM): bobby thigpen
RL Steinbeck (12:50:24 AM): phil lesh
heavy boxes (12:51:21 AM): wynonna judd
RL Steinbeck (12:51:42 AM): winslow homer
heavy boxes (12:53:02 AM): cornelius cardew
RL Steinbeck (12:54:44 AM): connie chung
heavy boxes (12:55:02 AM): benjamin banneker
RL Steinbeck (12:56:42 AM): tom clancy
heavy boxes (12:58:05 AM): bob "butterbean" love
RL Steinbeck (12:59:36 AM): my cousin vinnie
heavy boxes (1:01:59 AM): bastion booger
RL Steinbeck (1:11:38 AM): mark mcgrath
heavy boxes (1:12:33 AM): pancho villa
RL Steinbeck (1:12:44 AM): betsy ross
heavy boxes (1:12:56 AM): broomhilda
RL Steinbeck (1:13:13 AM): kangaroo jack
heavy boxes (1:13:24 AM): sam kinison
RL Steinbeck (1:14:12 AM): gene krupa
heavy boxes (1:14:23 AM): dan and ada rice
RL Steinbeck (1:18:06 AM): malcolm jamal warner
heavy boxes (1:18:32 AM): macgyver
RL Steinbeck (1:18:48 AM): sister wendy
heavy boxes (1:19:10 AM): lonnie anderson
RL Steinbeck (1:19:48 AM): rupert everett
heavy boxes (1:20:04 AM): rowdy roddy piper
RL Steinbeck (1:22:11 AM): sarah jessica parker
heavy boxes (1:22:45 AM): marcus garvey
RL Steinbeck (1:23:21 AM): lance bass
heavy boxes (1:24:00 AM): rod argent
RL Steinbeck (1:24:44 AM): lawrence fishburne
heavy boxes (1:25:19 AM): william carlos williams
RL Steinbeck (1:25:53 AM): lester bangs
heavy boxes (1:26:45 AM): the banger sisters (susan sarandon and goldie hawn)
RL Steinbeck (1:27:57 AM): sancho panza
heavy boxes (1:28:27 AM): theodore roetke
RL Steinbeck (1:29:07 AM): glen anthony
heavy boxes (1:31:30 AM): posh spice
RL Steinbeck (1:31:39 AM): ginger baker
heavy boxes (1:32:32 AM): glenn gould
RL Steinbeck (1:33:56 AM): koko taylor
heavy boxes (1:34:16 AM): kiki shepard
RL Steinbeck (1:36:00 AM): morgan fairchild
heavy boxes (1:36:56 AM): sherman alexie
RL Steinbeck (1:38:04 AM): abner doubleday
heavy boxes (1:38:23 AM): horace greeley
RL Steinbeck (1:39:24 AM): eddie cantor
heavy boxes (1:41:16 AM): jake lloyd
RL Steinbeck (1:42:19 AM): sheryl swoopes
heavy boxes (1:43:04 AM): steve shelley
heavy boxes (1:44:35 AM): alright, im out
heavy boxes (1:44:37 AM): goodnight
RL Steinbeck (1:44:39 AM): se ya
RL Steinbeck (1:44:41 AM): e

LATENIGHT G-CHATS

dbrouwer:  yo

 me:  yo

dbrouwer:  mapquestvagina

 me:  ahh

you win

 dbrouwer:  yeah, i been savin that good idea for years

i thought of it one day when i was printing out directions to a vagina