Sunday, December 25, 2011




5:21 AM 
 me: strugglecrisp
5:24 AM dbrouwer: thats a cereal from the 1930's, and you get it free when you go on unemployment in some former confederate states
5:25 AM me: i like that idea
 dbrouwer: they still have a silo full of it in Georgia
5:26 AM me: its non-perishable, so its not that big a deal
  someone will eat it eventually
  thats what georgia keeps telling itself
5:27 AM dbrouwer: Prospertarts
 me: thats like the opposite of strugglecrisp
5:28 AM dbrouwer: and then a product for working class people, just called "endsmeat"
 me: amazing
 dbrouwer: would be in betwix
5:29 AM if you work two jobs, you can get off strugglecrisp, and get endsmeat
5:30 AM and some day, you may just get prospertarts
 me: prospertarts are much coveted
  its like the rolls royce of foods
5:31 AM dbrouwer: immigrants hoard all their prospertarts for their children, so they never have to taste the stale strugglecrisp
5:32 AM but real americans use credit cards to buy prospertarts, when they should just stick to endsmeat
  i want this to be a book now
5:33 AM 
 dbrouwer: about the american class system for children
 me: its a compelling scenariodbrouwer: "the only three foods"
5:34 AM dbrouwer: or it could be interactive cd-rom
  with free tribe called quest digital downloads
5:35 AM me: incrediblethe government is always trying to placate the poor people by offering them free tribe called quest download coupons in their boxes of strugglecrisp
  and they keep falling for it
  it works like a charmme: the cereal box will have this iconic depression photo on it me: but in cartoondorothea lange photo5:56 AMdbrouwer: exactly! me: but big goofy fonton top of that imageand like, mazes and fun stuff on the back5:57 AMthen there will be an adult version of struggle crisp, chock full of fiber6:13 AMallrightgood talk on socio-economically based foodsim outta here6:14 AMdbrouwer: see ya in the rain forest nightmares  ----------------
5:38 AM dbrouwer: do people use instant messaging for anything other than broken idea building?
  its 95% of my use
 me: aside from us? yes
  but for us, no
  thats our only use



William Steig:

—The Art of William Steig, by Claudia J. Nahson

Thursday, December 22, 2011


Plenty else can go wrong, however. In the days of diving suits— the sort that were connected to the surface by long hoses— divers sometimes experienced a dreaded phenomenon known as "the squeeze." This occurred when the surface pumps failed, leading to a catastrophic loss of pressure in the suit. The air would leave the suit with such violence that the hapless diver would be, all too literally, sucked up into the helmet and hosepipe. When hauled to the surface, "All that is left in the suit are his bones and some rags of flesh," the biologist J.B.S. Haldane wrote in 1947, adding for the benefit of doubters, "This has happened."

A Short History of Nearly Everything, Bill Bryson


Absolutely Normal, Ann Roy


Getting stoked is as big a part of growing up as "living large" or "getting weirded out."

Onion News Network

Wednesday, December 14, 2011



3:23 PM me: amazing
3:24 PM best merchant name ever
  from the redemption days
  a strip club in texas
  "brass ovaries"
 dbrouwer: ha
3:25 PM me: super gross
3:28 PM dbrouwer: what if CTA buses had strippers on them? Like, grinding all over the stainless steel poles?
  just for tips
  and there would be a "one at a time rule"
3:29 PM so multiple strippers could take turns
  and not get too tired stripping up and down Lawrence avenue all day.
3:30 PM and the bus driver would sell $.89 sausages from a Styrofoam cooler.
 me: that's right
3:35 PM dbrouwer: "strippers ride free"
  rather than old people
 me: ha
  but they still have to pay 25 cents for transfers


Montrose cookie lab up and running again:

My hardware/ingredients are finally back...

 ...after some weeks of remote baking in the North Center lab with baking partner Browner (alias R. Slone)

These here are chocolate coffee brainmelt flavored ("Heisenberg cookies"). My product is 99.1% pure— you could sell these at twice the normal street value.

Recipes to be posted soon.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Tuesday, November 15, 2011



12:34 PMi like the idea of a dude who is famous on tv for having a cooking show
  like emeril or rachael ray
12:35 PM and his little gimmick, right near the end of each recipe, is to say "throw a few sprinkles on top and you're all set!"
  he puts sprinkles on everything
  but only a dash of sprinkles
 Evan: or he has a catchphrase like
  "sprinkle me this"
12:36 PM me: he addresses his audience as "my fellow sprinklers"
  hey there sprinklers and sprinklettes!
 Evan: when he's done, he says "sprinkled sprankled sprunkled"
 me: on this episode we will be making sprinkle salad!
12:37 PM his name is "chef ronny sprinkles"
12:38 PM hes got a sprinkle cannon that he shoots into the audience
  makes a huge mess
  the guys who clean the studio after the show really resent him
12:42 PM Evan: he also travels around the world
  taking in local sprinkles
12:43 PM and also cooks "fusion" cuisine
  mixing american with asian sprinkles
    From here we began investigating actual recipes that require sprinkles which soon led to the discovery of "Fairy Bread"— a treat from down under. It's what gives the Aussies their crazy accent. 

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Friday, October 28, 2011

Thursday, October 6, 2011


There has been a lot of baking lately.

Cupcakes for Andy Junk (Martha Stewart recipe):

Saturday, October 1, 2011


Creepy and filled with guacamole.


10:04 PM me: rain city
 Evan: it's like a rain volcano
10:06 PM me: it's as though cats and dogs were falling from the sky, in the form of water
10:07 PM Evan: it's like someone warmed up a blizzard
10:09 PM me: it's as though someone has got the world's largest super soaker and they just don't care where they're shooting it
10:10 PM Evan: it's like someone instead of saying it decided to spray it
10:13 PM me: it's as though lake michigan bought a groupon for skydive chicago and is using it right now
10:17 PM Evan: it's like someone took a whole bag of gushers and put them in their mouth at once (on a cloud)
10:19 PM me: it's as though a bunch of clouds just competed in a 10k run for charity, and now they're all sweaty and sweating on us
10:22 PM Evan: it's like a fish family is moving across country but the movers drove to the wrong house
10:23 PM me: it's as though they built a second shedd aquarium up there and have yet to work out all the kinks
10:24 PM Evan: it's as if the lamestream media told sarah palin not to dump water over everybody and she's going rogue
10:26 PM me: it's as though today is alanis morissette's wedding day
10:28 PM Evan: it's as if it's an alternate universe where shannon hoon never existed and never wrote his hit song
10:30 PM me: it's as though the umbrella industry is in collusion with the clouds in order to drive up sales
10:32 PM Evan: it's as if all the fat kids in public pools did simultaneous belly flops
10:33 PM me: it's as though the clouds are jr. high school kids who have just taught each other how to gleek
10:37 PM Evan: sorry to change the subject
  but ha
10:38 PM ____ is suggesting for my story tomorrow, i read a version of the synopsis i sent of the whole year
 me: it's okay, i was running dry on water jokes
 Evan: ooooo good one