DAYTIME + NIGHTTIME

THE SQUEEZE

Plenty else can go wrong, however. In the days of diving suits— the sort that were connected to the surface by long hoses— divers sometimes experienced a dreaded phenomenon known as "the squeeze." This occurred when the surface pumps failed, leading to a catastrophic loss of pressure in the suit. The air would leave the suit with such violence that the hapless diver would be, all too literally, sucked up into the helmet and hosepipe. When hauled to the surface, "All that is left in the suit are his bones and some rags of flesh," the biologist J.B.S. Haldane wrote in 1947, adding for the benefit of doubters, "This has happened."

—A Short History of Nearly Everything, Bill Bryson

"BUSY?"

—Absolutely Normal, Ann Roy

STOKEDNESS

Getting stoked is as big a part of growing up as "living large" or "getting weirded out."

—Onion News Network

BOSSMAN

GOOD TEXT

BEARD THEORY

STRIPPERS RIDE FREE

3:23 PM me: amazing

3:24 PM best merchant name ever

  from the redemption days

  a strip club in texas

  called

  "brass ovaries"

 dbrouwer: ha

3:25 PM me: super gross

3:28 PM dbrouwer: what if CTA buses had strippers on them? Like, grinding all over the stainless steel poles?

  just for tips

  and there would be a "one at a time rule"

3:29 PM so multiple strippers could take turns

  and not get too tired stripping up and down Lawrence avenue all day.

3:30 PM and the bus driver would sell $.89 sausages from a Styrofoam cooler.

 me: that's right

3:35 PM dbrouwer: "strippers ride free"

  rather than old people

 me: ha

  amazing!

  but they still have to pay 25 cents for transfers

BAKING BAD

Montrose cookie lab up and running again:

My hardware/ingredients are finally back...

 ...after some weeks of remote baking in the North Center lab with baking partner Browner (alias R. Slone)

These here are chocolate coffee brainmelt flavored ("Heisenberg cookies"). My product is 99.1% pure— you could sell these at twice the normal street value.

Recipes to be posted soon.

HOT MAYONNAISE