BATTERING RAMS THESE DAYS

2:33 PM me: animation is too hard, maybe i should just switch my major to advanced weaponrylike trebuchets and complicated catapult systemsi feel like i have a knack for that kind of stuff2:34 PM Evan: it's getting harder and harder to find a decent battering ram these days2:35 PM me: i know, all the craftsmanship is gone for these cheap substitutes they make nowadaysits a shameyou look at the battering rams from 100 years ago and you're just floored at the beauty and functionality2:36 PM Evan: yeah, they've got the kids using aluminum battering rams these days2:37 PM me: and then you wonder why they're breaking everytime you bust open a door or a gate. they build them like that on purpose, so you have to keep buying more2:39 PM Evan: it ought to be regulatedme: it really ought to beits such a racketbut they're the ones really running the government anyways2:40 PM so its a catch 22Evan: yeah the battering ram lobby is super strong in washingtoneveryone's afraid to piss them off2:41 PM me: yeah well thats because they've all got mob connectionsits the yakuza is what it is2:42 PM its a conspiracy, but the second i say that people start to call me "x-files kid" and my credibility is gone

THE ANCIENT INDIAN BURIAL GROUND THEORY

Ω

POKES

PANCAKES

TOBIAS

SWIM KID

GLASS BRICK CAPITAL

Proof.

JUST JOG

OTHER PEOPLE

PEE-PEE 1990

Evan introduced me to this last night (via Melanie):

LAST NIGHT AT WEEGEE'S

The Beatles as Ninja Turtles:

Paul = Leonardo
John = Raphael
George = Donatello
Ringo = Michelangelo

Brian Epstein = Master Splinter
Yoko = April O'Neil (sorta)

Drugs = Pizza

But who's Shredder?

THE CUBAN PIZZA DRAGON

COFFEE TO MY EARS

SOMETHING THAT CAME IN THE MAIL ONE DAY

I'm pretty sure this came from New Mexico.

4 GUYS SITTING

  (EDIT: I keep recoloring this. Now it just reminds me of the first weezer album.)

LONESTAR COWBOY

MOUSETRAPS

Even before that happened, this happened...

Never use Tomcat brand mousetraps- I didn't catch a single mouse with them. Stick with the trusty old Victor variety. They may look crude and old school, but they work. They worked 8 times. They're cheaper too.

Dealing with mice is kinda like fishing, but worse.

BONUS TIP: If you have mice, buy a can of caulk (a good brand is Great Stuff) and obsessively go around every inch of your walls where they meet the floors. Inside closets, underneath sinks (especially where pipes go into the walls), behind refrigerators, behind dishwashers, behind ovens, underneath radiators, etc. Caulk up any hole that is bigger than a nickel in size. Mice are versatile creatures, don't underestimate them. Leave traps out (with peanut butter). As long as you keep catching mice you know you've missed a spot somewhere.

LAST YEAR'S MICE

 

There were about 8 or so total.

MICE

WOLVERINE

JUNE CATS

TWO PAGES (FTL)

A relatively modern page:

And an ancient one:

- from the evergrowing Funny Things List.

(suggestions are eternally welcome)

MICK JAGGER; AGE 9

LAST HALLOWEEN

That last pumpkin has a set of abs carved into it (courtesy of Andy, based on Batman's abs).

I tried to adapt this sketchbook doodle of a little guy wearing a bear costume into a pumpkin.

But it just turned into a teletubby.

HALLOWEEN PROVERB: "It's better not to say anything than to say anything at all."

ULTRA FEROCIOUS

SWEET BUILDING

 

Along with the merchandise mart, this is my other favorite building in Chicago. Apparently a "steam plant". It's the 301 Taylor building- a poor man's Battersea Station.

PAPERCLOUD

CHIPS AHOY!

"The classic flavor of chips ahoy really gets the job done."

- Andrew Smreker (11.2.2010)

OLD PEOPLE NAMES

An evergrowing list. 

Suggestions are welcome.

WHOOPS!

Super crude, I know.

EXPLODED ROAD BIKE

- Two page spread from Lennard Zinn's, Zinn & The Art of Road Bike Maintenance.
Illustration by Todd Telander

PERV (REMIX)

DON'T YOU (FORGET ABOUT ME)

Don't You (Forget About Me) by bart, brian & dan

2005 cover of the Simple Minds 1985 classic, "Don't You (Forget About Me)" famous for its iconic use in The Breakfast Club.

First part sung by Bart, second part sung by Brian, third part sung by Dan. Recorded in garageband at UIC in one take (it's pretty obvious).

Music & Production by Bart.

THE CHOCULA QUANDARY

Can Count Chocula walk around in the sun if he covers himself in chocolate syrup... like it was sunblock? Is he even a real vampire... or is he just goth?

Just a goth with a sweet tooth...

THE BROTH QUANDARY

SOME CREEPS FROM THE NEIGHBORHOOD

DUAL DEBBIE

CLASSIC AIM CHATS

An old conversation from several years back with Evan (RL Steinbeck) in its entirety, there is nothing preceding "boomer esiason". I suppose that is a type of greeting.

heavy boxes (12:18:30 AM): boomer esiason.
RL Steinbeck (12:18:52 AM): mother goose and grimm
heavy boxes (12:19:13 AM): kirby pucket
RL Steinbeck (12:19:47 AM): mavis beacon
heavy boxes (12:20:24 AM): foghorn leghorn
RL Steinbeck (12:21:18 AM): maniac mcgee
heavy boxes (12:21:33 AM): tommyknockers
RL Steinbeck (12:22:29 AM): robert plant
heavy boxes (12:22:39 AM): judge judy
RL Steinbeck (12:22:50 AM): the big bopper
heavy boxes (12:22:55 AM): dennis leary
RL Steinbeck (12:23:24 AM): desmond tutu
heavy boxes (12:24:11 AM): boutros boutros ghali
RL Steinbeck (12:25:22 AM): kato kaelin
heavy boxes (12:25:37 AM): trajan
RL Steinbeck (12:26:32 AM): julia louis dreyfuss
heavy boxes (12:31:51 AM): niels bohr
RL Steinbeck (12:32:29 AM): marie curie
heavy boxes (12:32:57 AM): benvolio
RL Steinbeck (12:33:55 AM): sergeant slaughte
RL Steinbeck (12:33:56 AM): r
heavy boxes (12:34:07 AM): judy dench
RL Steinbeck (12:34:18 AM): candide
heavy boxes (12:34:42 AM): gustave flaubert
RL Steinbeck (12:36:41 AM): ruff mcgruff
heavy boxes (12:36:59 AM): tintoretto
RL Steinbeck (12:38:17 AM): dave berry
heavy boxes (12:38:45 AM): john rocker
RL Steinbeck (12:39:21 AM): cuba gooding Sr.
heavy boxes (12:39:57 AM): calvin coolidge
RL Steinbeck (12:40:24 AM): engelbert humperdinck
heavy boxes (12:40:34 AM): matthew lesko
RL Steinbeck (12:40:58 AM): doctor jekyll
heavy boxes (12:41:26 AM): udo kier
RL Steinbeck (12:42:06 AM): mick ronson
heavy boxes (12:42:27 AM): chupacabra
RL Steinbeck (12:42:46 AM): erroll flynn
heavy boxes (12:43:14 AM): myrna loy
RL Steinbeck (12:43:26 AM): eddie & jobo
heavy boxes (12:43:57 AM): charo
RL Steinbeck (12:45:54 AM): madame tussaud
heavy boxes (12:47:15 AM): buddy glass
RL Steinbeck (12:48:05 AM): colonel mustard
heavy boxes (12:49:10 AM): dominique dawes
RL Steinbeck (12:49:45 AM): shawn kemp
heavy boxes (12:50:11 AM): bobby thigpen
RL Steinbeck (12:50:24 AM): phil lesh
heavy boxes (12:51:21 AM): wynonna judd
RL Steinbeck (12:51:42 AM): winslow homer
heavy boxes (12:53:02 AM): cornelius cardew
RL Steinbeck (12:54:44 AM): connie chung
heavy boxes (12:55:02 AM): benjamin banneker
RL Steinbeck (12:56:42 AM): tom clancy
heavy boxes (12:58:05 AM): bob "butterbean" love
RL Steinbeck (12:59:36 AM): my cousin vinnie
heavy boxes (1:01:59 AM): bastion booger
RL Steinbeck (1:11:38 AM): mark mcgrath
heavy boxes (1:12:33 AM): pancho villa
RL Steinbeck (1:12:44 AM): betsy ross
heavy boxes (1:12:56 AM): broomhilda
RL Steinbeck (1:13:13 AM): kangaroo jack
heavy boxes (1:13:24 AM): sam kinison
RL Steinbeck (1:14:12 AM): gene krupa
heavy boxes (1:14:23 AM): dan and ada rice
RL Steinbeck (1:18:06 AM): malcolm jamal warner
heavy boxes (1:18:32 AM): macgyver
RL Steinbeck (1:18:48 AM): sister wendy
heavy boxes (1:19:10 AM): lonnie anderson
RL Steinbeck (1:19:48 AM): rupert everett
heavy boxes (1:20:04 AM): rowdy roddy piper
RL Steinbeck (1:22:11 AM): sarah jessica parker
heavy boxes (1:22:45 AM): marcus garvey
RL Steinbeck (1:23:21 AM): lance bass
heavy boxes (1:24:00 AM): rod argent
RL Steinbeck (1:24:44 AM): lawrence fishburne
heavy boxes (1:25:19 AM): william carlos williams
RL Steinbeck (1:25:53 AM): lester bangs
heavy boxes (1:26:45 AM): the banger sisters (susan sarandon and goldie hawn)
RL Steinbeck (1:27:57 AM): sancho panza
heavy boxes (1:28:27 AM): theodore roetke
RL Steinbeck (1:29:07 AM): glen anthony
heavy boxes (1:31:30 AM): posh spice
RL Steinbeck (1:31:39 AM): ginger baker
heavy boxes (1:32:32 AM): glenn gould
RL Steinbeck (1:33:56 AM): koko taylor
heavy boxes (1:34:16 AM): kiki shepard
RL Steinbeck (1:36:00 AM): morgan fairchild
heavy boxes (1:36:56 AM): sherman alexie
RL Steinbeck (1:38:04 AM): abner doubleday
heavy boxes (1:38:23 AM): horace greeley
RL Steinbeck (1:39:24 AM): eddie cantor
heavy boxes (1:41:16 AM): jake lloyd
RL Steinbeck (1:42:19 AM): sheryl swoopes
heavy boxes (1:43:04 AM): steve shelley
heavy boxes (1:44:35 AM): alright, im out
heavy boxes (1:44:37 AM): goodnight
RL Steinbeck (1:44:39 AM): se ya
RL Steinbeck (1:44:41 AM): e

IDENTICAL TWINS

ALAN'S PIZZA THEORY

BELTS

IT EXISTS NO LONGER

Another fading memory of some premium Chicagoland weirdness.

NUDE DARTH MAUL

A very nude and middle-aged Darth Maul examines his own physique in a mirror.

(Drawn by Dan B. for our Carpeted Afterhours performances near the end of 2009.)

READING COMICS

"For best results it is good to read something twice so you can misunderstand it at least once."

- Lynda Barry, from her introduction to The Best American Comics 2008

A CASE OF THE SWOONS

BRIMLEYVISION

ARE WE EATING FOOD: YES OR NO?